No, seriously.

To turn a popular phrase the kids are saying these days:

Um, DUH!

It’s Allen Iverson. I think people would be more surprised if the headline read “Allen Iverson wins Humanitarian of the Year; Nobel Peace Price Next.”

I’m honestly surprised this information doesn’t come out more about professional athletes. With the tremendous amount of disposable income coupled with an absolute enormity of free time, what else is there to do beside gamble and drink? I suppose they could volunteer, but I’m not sure the Red Cross allows guns and body guards at its blood drives. I suppose I am making a very sweeping generalization about professional athletes, especially given the commitments to their communities from players like Drew Brees and Peyton Manning. However, it is very sad that the large number of contributions athletes like Brees and Manning make to the community are overshadowed by the even larger number of athletes who have nothing to contribute to their communities.

But let’s look for a minute at the life of Allen Iverson: As a junior in high school, he was in an altercation at a bowling alley and was convicted as an adult of felony maiming by mob, a conviction which was later overturned after he was granted clemency by the Virginia governor. Because he was going to Georgetown. Yes, that’s right. THIS guy got into Georgetown:

My little brother didn’t get into Georgetown. My little brother who now works for Michael Bloomberg and BusinessWeek. Perhaps if my parents would let him get tatted up and not go to school and carry guns around, he might’ve gotten in there on a football scholarship. But I digress. Allen Iverson spent two seasons at Georgetown and did quite well there; how he did in the classroom is anybody’s guess, but I suppose when you are a two-time defensive player of the year in your conference, academics are kind of a footnote.

Then he jumped to the NBA. He’s been league MVP (once), co-captain of Team USA (the team that won the bronze in the 2004 Olympics), and on four different teams in his 14-year NBA career, most recently landing in Philadelphia where his career started. Publicity and image problems have trailed him throughout his career, from being criticized for missing training (and the tantrum he threw to the media following those comments), to having his bodyguard beat up a guy who would leave a club’s VIP area so Iverson and his entourage could sit there, to peeing in a trashcan in an Atlantic City casino and being barred from the property.

In his 14 year professional, he’s only played a complete 82 game season twice and railed against anyone who dared discipline him for being late, skipping team events and being a general pain in the ass. So really, he’s had a lot of free time on his hands. That kind of boredom leads to nothing good; and that kind of general shitty attitude toward people who are trying to help you be a good person definitely isn’t helpful either.

The bottom line is Iverson did this to himself. It’s astounding to me how many chances he’s been given throughout his career, despite demonstrating on several occasions what a less-than-stellar person he is; owners and coaches are that desperate to win, they’ll overpay a guy with attitude problems and who misses roughly 20-30 games a year to get his whopping 42% career field goal shooting. I’m not sure why I should feel sorry for him or feel compelled to get behind him. Just like I’m not compelled to feel sorry for Michael Vick for being unhappy on the bench in Philadelphia, even though they’ll pay out a $1.5 million roster bonus to him on Tuesday. DUDE SHOULDN’T EVEN BE IN THE NFL RIGHT NOW, and he’s complaining about not being starter? Hey idiot, you’re not a starter because you missed two season BECAUSE YOU WERE IN JAIL. And when you were in your prime, you were an average quarterback whose one glowing attribute was your ability to run out of the pocket when you couldn’t find your receiver. Atlanta went to the playoffs twice, I think, when he was quarterback and he never got them past the conference championship game. Dree Brees, who was a second round pick to Vick’s overall #1 in 2001, has done a little bit better in his career, I think. But I could be wrong.

I just will never understand why aren’t guys like Iverson and Vick aren’t just a little more grateful for the incredibly blessed life they lead. It’s why I should spend less time on the internet, because reading this about Iverson basically enrages me to the point that I need to go have some gin. Can you tell?

I figure if I start using this space a little more productively, I might actually actively engage my intellectual capabilities instead of tying them up thinking about some of the idiotic things I normally do. (For instance: Why do people insist that adding turkey or other fixings to grilled cheese sandwiches still make it a grilled cheese? It’s a melt at that point, people!) Anyway, here goes:

I got a notice in the mail this week about my student loans. They have been bought/acquired sold for pennies on the dollar to ANOTHER company. In five years, my student loans have been with four different companies. Nice, right? Hooray for irresponsible banks? Anyway, when they notify you of these things, they usually send you an outstanding balance and a summary of what you’ve paid so far. Here are some fun figures for you: I’ve been paying down this loan for almost 5 years now (about 4.5, to be vaguely more specific); in that five years, I’ve paid nearly $12,000 to the companies who own my loan. This seems pretty good right? I know many of you (hi mom!) are shaking your head because you’re finance-y type people and have done this before…you know what’s coming next. So I was excited about paying my $12,000, until I read that REALLY, I’ve only paid about $2,000 toward paying off my loan, because the chunk of it paid interest. WHICH SUCKS. Again, I’m hearing a lot of “Duhs” in my head from many of you, to which I can only say SHOVE IT. I consolidated, I finagled and I worked to get a good interest rate (2.75!), and I’ve gotten reductions on that rate for doing automatic debit and whatnot, so it was very exciting to read that I’ll get a whole percentage point reduced if I continue to make on-time payments…for another three years. Yay. So basically, to break it down, what I’ve paid in the last five years in interest? Equates to the monthly floral budget for the guy who is the CEO of the bank who owns my loan. Sweeeet.

In case you’re wondering? This is the most exciting thing to happen to me all week.

All caught up now? Good. So, it occurred to me that we gave a few sets of these out for Christmas and the recipients might want the track listings so they can get them into their iTunes or whatever music-listening software they use. Also, you may be inclined to know my family’s musical tastes because at some point you’ve thought to yourself “Hey, I would love to listen to what they listen to because they are cool.” You also might try to infer some sort of family dynamic from our selection of songs (for instance the obsession with Jimmy Buffett, Jay-Z and Lady Gaga). Don’t try–we’re all over the map. I think I’m the only one that didn’t pick a song or artist that can also be found another playlist; no wait…there’s P!nk, me and my mom have her in common. But that’s it.
So here are the playlists. I hope my family is duly impressed that I managed to suss out all these songs, artists and albums all by myself without their help. Because I am a BAMF. Just so you know.

JoJo’s Picks:
Title – Artist (Album)
1. I Saw Her Standing There – Paul McCartney (Good Evening New York)
2. I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas (E.N.D.)
3. So What – P!nk (Funhouse)
4. Boys Boys Boys – Lady Gaga (The Fame)
5. Come Go With Me – The Beach Boys (Sounds of Summer)
6. Cheeseburger in Paradise (Live) – Jimmy Buffet (Buffet Live: Tuesdays,
7. Thursdays, Saturdays)
8. Come Monday – Jimmy Buffet
9. Roll Me Away – Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band (The Distance)
10. The Trouble With Love Is – Kelly Clarkson (Love Actually)
11. Turn Me On – Nora Jones (Come Away With Me)
12. At Last – Beyonce (Cadillac Records)
13. Empire State of Mind (feat. Alicia Keys) – Jay-Z (The Blueprint 3)
14. I’ve Got You Under My Skin – Frank Sinatra & Bono (Duets)
15. Private Dancer – Tina Turner (All the Best)
16. Get Back – Paul McCartney (Good Evening New York)
17. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band/The End – Paul McCartney (Good Evening New York)

Joe Montana’s Picks:
Title – Artist (Album)
1. Smoke on the Water – Deep Purple (Machine Head)
2. China Grove – The Doobie Brothers (The Captain and Me)
3. Hot Blooded – Foreigner (Double Vision)
4. One of These Nights – Eagles (One of These Nights)
5. Rock and Roll Music – The Beach Boys (15 Big Ones)
6. Cheeseburger in Paradise – Jimmy Buffet (Son of a Son of a Sailor)
7. Hotel California – Eagles (Hotel California)
8. Stand By Me – Ben E. King (Don’t Play That Song)
9. Saturday in the Park – Chicago (Chicago V)
10. Mr. Blue Sky – Electronic Light Orchestra (Out of the Blue)
11. Pinball Wizard – The Who (Tommy)
12. You Don’t Mess Around With Jim – Jim Croce (You Don’t Mess Around With Jim)
13. Margaritaville – Jimmy Buffett (Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes)
14. The Boys Are Back in Town – Thin Lizzy (Jailbreak)
15. Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys – Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson (Waylon & Willie)
16. Hey Maria – Wylie and The Wild West (Get Wild)

Bullpup’s Selections:
Title – Artist (Album)
1. Empire State of Mind (Part II) Broken Down – Alicia Keys (The Element of Freedom)
2. You Belong With Me -Taylor Swift (Fearless)
3. Party in the U.S.A. – Miley Cyrus (The Time of Our Lives)
4. Beer For My Horses – Toby Keith & Willie Nelson (Unleashed)
5. Bubble Toes – Jack Johnson (Brushfire Fairytales)
6. I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas (E.N.D.)
7. Tik Tok – Ke$ha (Animal)
8. Forever – Chris Brown (Exclusive)
9. Just Dance (feat. Colby Oldonis) – Lady Gaga (The Fame)
10. Live Your Life (feat. Rihanna) – T.I. (Paper Trail)
11. Boom Boom Pow – Black Eyed Peas (E.N.D.)
12. I’m In Miami Bitch – LMFAO (Party Rock)
13. Green Light (feat. Andre 3000) – John Legend (Evolver)
14. Use Somebody – Kings of Leon (Only By the Night)
15. Empire State of Mind (Part II) Broken Down – Live – Alicia Keys

J-Pup’s Picks:
Title – Artist (Album)
1. Around the World – Red Hot Chili Peppers (Californication)
2. Cowboy – Kid Rock (Devil Without a Cause)
3. Sabotage – Beastie Boys (Ill Communication)
4. While My Guitar Gently Weeps – The Beatles (The Beatles)
5. Roadhouse Blues – The Doors (Morrison Hotel)
6. Empire State of Mind (feat. Alicia Keys) – Jay-Z (The Blueprint 3)
7. Comfort Eagle – Cake (Comfort Eagle)
8. Hear ‘em Say (feat. Adam Levine) – Kanye West
9. Paper Planes – M.I.A. (Kala)
10. Dirt Off Your Shoulder – Jay-Z
11. Fit But You Know It – The Streets (A Grand Don’t Come For Free)
12. American Idiot – Green Day (American Idiot)
13. Cocaine Blues (Live) – Johnny Cash
14. Grace Kelly (Bimbo Jones Remix) – Mika
15. Numb/Encore – Jay-Z/Linkin Park (Collision Course)
16. Extreme Ways – Moby (18)
17. London Calling – The Clash (London Calling)

Let’s go 2010!

So my mom had this genius idea for a Christmas gift our family could give to one another that was both extremely thoughtful and inexpensive. We all made our own playlists of our favorite or most memory-inducing songs, burned them onto CDs and gave them to one another. It was such a success that we are going to see if we can work it in every Christmas.

Here’s what I had for my list:

Track – Artist (Album)
1. Kids – MGMT (Oracular Spectacular)
2. Two Weeks – Grizzly Bear (Veckatimest)
3. 15 Step – Radiohead (In Rainbows)
4. I Belong to You / Mon cœur s’ouvre à ta voix – Muse (The Resistance)
5. Fix You – Coldplay (X&Y)
6. The Fear (Acoustic) – Lily Allen (It’s Not Me, It’s You)
7. Satellite Heart – Anya Marina (The Twilight Sage: New Moon (Original Soundtrack))
8. Smile [Cover of Charlie Chaplin Song] – Glee Cast (Glee – The Music, Vol. 2)
9. Everything – Michael Bublé (Call Me Irresponsible)
10. OK, It’s Alright With Me – Eric Hutchinson (Sounds Like This)
11. Rock Your Body – Justin Timberlake (Justified)
12. Don’t Let Me Get Me – P!nk (Missundaztood)
13. Mr. Brightside – The Killers (Hot Fuss)
14. Wonderful Night – Fatboy Slim (Palookaville)
15. Can’t Stop Moving – Sonny J (Disastro)
16. Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson (Breakaway)
17. Don’t Tell Me – Madonna (GHV2)
18. The Way You Make Me Feel – Michael Jackson (HIStory: Past, Present and Future, Book 1)
19. Send Me On My Way – Rusted Root (When I Woke)

Yes, you read that right. We have quiet hours.

And apparently I violated them. I got a letter from the office people (dated June 6, when I didn’t even live here) about 3 weeks after I moved in reminding me to abide the quiet hours as set forth in my lease. So basically, one of my a-hole neighbors reported me as an obnoxious noisemaker. I have never in my life received a noise violation; not even when I lived in the dorms (well, let’s just say I never kept anyone up that didn’t want to be kept awake). I wracked my brain trying to figure out when exactly I had a party in the three weeks I’d been here so far: Let’s see, first two weeks were spent in Turkey, so I wasn’t even physically in my apartment; the third week I had jet lag and spent about 18 hours a day sleeping, waking up between the hours of 2pm and 7pm to eat, check my email, and fall asleep reading. So you know, wild times here at my place.

Anyway, now I think my neighbors are trying to “out loud” me by stomping around and slamming doors and playing loud music. Like they’re trying to bother me or something. I don’t think they realize how passive aggressive I am and that I really don’t care. I happily ignore it and don’t mind it, but if they want to play games I have no problem with watching “Pearl Harbor” at 8 am Saturday morning (not violating the quiet hours!) with the sound cranked up just so I can feel the full effect of the battle in the harbor and feel the realism. Which is what home theaters are for.

Did I mention I have a 10-inch subwoofer?

Please do not let Heidi and Spencer get their own reality show. The fact that I am pleading these here where no one pays attention is completely beside the point. These two are famous because they are idiots, not because they do anything great. Do not let ignorant TV producers try to cash in on them because there’s nothing to cash in on. Nobody likes them. People don’t buy magazines with them on the cover. There is no need to throw more money at them because no one will watch the program. This news that they are shopping a reality program makes me relieved that I don’t have a cable box anymore and watch all my shows online. Yikes.

My U14 team, on the other hand, just finished a fall tournament and lost in the championship game. No excuses, we got worked in the final. This team can take on, and usually get a good result against all comers in California, but struggle with lesser teams in Oregon. It’s frustrating for sure, but they are eighth grade girls–between the fruit-fly like attention spans and their parents over-hyping them and spouting off in forums and on blogs, it’s a wonder we can get them to show up with the right color socks on. They will get some much needed time off, and hopefully will be ready to defend their state championship starting in January.

In the meantime, I get to go to the women’s soccer final four in Texas with the U16 girls, so I’ll manage to stay busy with them and the goalkeepers. And ODP. Friggin’ ODP. Whole other story.